When you first met your partner you probably couldn’t stop noticing how much you seem to have in common. But as time goes on, many couples can’t stop noticing how your differences lead to difficult feelings or even angry fights. In the beginning, you may have wanted to be together all the time and intimacy may have been exciting and easy. But over time, you may not be feeling as connected as you once were. Early in the relationship there may have been a sense that you just “get” each other and can almost read each others minds. But as the months a years go by, many couples find even seemingly easy discussions keep leading to hurtful misunderstandings. And for some couples there may even be betrayals or other fidelity concerns that have started to erode the trust you once felt.
Some couples rarely have verbal fights, and yet still there may be a sense of tension, a sense of growing apart, or even feelings of resentment bubbling under an otherwise calm surface. One or both of you may not want to talk about differences or disappointments because there is fear that talking about it only makes things worse.
Other couples have a style where they find themselves talking and fighting about problems and disappointments all the time. But often these fights seem to be circular in nature, going round and round with no satisfying conclusions. You may have the sense that you and your partner are locked into a kind of never-ending cycle of conflict.
What I just described above, while painful, is actually quite common.
How I Can Help
Many therapists have no advanced specialized training with couples. I am a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist that has undergone additional specialized training in couples therapy since 2012. My specialized training with couples was subsequent to earning a masters degree in counseling psychology in 2009, and subsequent to providing 3000 hours of supervised therapy in a clinical setting to gain my licensure as a psychotherapist in CA. My specialized couples training is called The Bader-Pearson Developmental Couples Therapy Model. It is this model that I rely on most heavily as the map for positive change when working with couples. I also have working knowledge of most state-of-the-art couples therapies available today, including: Gottman, PACT, EFT, Imago, and RLT.
As a well trained couples therapist I work with couples who want to:
- Uncover what the real problem is, face it, and create the relationship they desire.
- Learn what it takes to grow their relationship from surviving to thriving.
- Stop blaming each other, and really learn how to communicate well.
- Face past hurts, heal from betrayals, and address fears so they can trust their partners and themselves.
- Learn to appreciate and understand each other’s differences so they can show-up as their most authentic and best selves in relationship.
I come to my role as a couple’s therapist with my own hard-won relationship challenges. Intimate relationships more than anything else require us to grown and be authentic. David Schnarch, Ph.D, developmental therapist and author of the book Passionate Marriage describes long-term intimate relationships as “people growing machines”. I have found The Bader-Pearson Developmental model to have the most positive impact in both my professional and personal life. I do not introduce skills to my couples that I have not had to learn and practice myself. While you can count on me to take a leadership role in our work together, I also empathize with how provocative and even disturbing relationships can be. I am a life-long learner, and I continue to take advanced trainings and grow my knowledge base ongoing.
My clients in couple’s therapy describe me as warm, engaging, directive and interactive. While therapy can bring-up difficult feelings and issues, it is also not unusual to hear laughter in my couple’s session, too. I enjoy working with couples that are serious about taking ownership of their part and who are committed to making positive change. It is truly a great honor and privilege to work with couples that are committed to doing what it takes to develop a thriving relationship.
Your Next Step
If you want to grow your relationship for the better, take the next step and contact me through my website. All my work with couples and individuals has been online since March 2020 due to Covid-19 restrictions. My practice has grown online during this time and I find online work affords much more flexibility for clients and myself. For now, I plan to continue my work online even as we come out of Covid-19 restrictions. I am licensed to practice psychotherapy in the state of California.